The sms that will change my life
Ok, i'm dramatizing it a bit too much, but if you think about it, it will change my life.
On Friday, my fiance was officially informed that he will be posted to Ipoh, as Senior Assistant Registrar. Given only a few days to pack up and leave, move to a whole different state, and thus begin his career there. How is this going to affect me? Well, this obviously means that once we're married (which is barely 9 months from now), I'd have to move to Ipoh too.
At first, when I got his sms, it didn't really sink in. Even when he called and ask me how i was accepting the news, I just said congratulations and that I'm really happy for him. Then I focused all my thoughts and energy into work. All the way until it was official time that I could leave office. I packed up, got into my car and called up one of my best friends, Dillot, to hurry her to get home (we had a shopping date arranged). In the car while driving towards her house, all the emotions started flooding in. I read back the messages my sister sent me after I told her about my fiance being posted elsewhere, and started crying. I couldn't help it.
At first it wasn't so much about me. So many thoughts rushed through about how it would affect other people. Who's going to have lunch or dinner with my mom when my dad has to work late? She won't eat if she's alone, she'd rather sleep off in hunger. Who's going to feed and play with my cat? She's so pampered by me that sometimes she'll wait till I get home to feed her, even if it means going hungry till midnight then jump into bed and sleep with me. Who's going to help my dad with all his computer stuff? He always panics when it comes to stuff like these and I usually jump in to help him sort things out. My parents are getting old and I am so uncomfortable with the fact that I have to leave them on their own and not be able to be there in a split second if they need me. How about my sister? She loves weekend shoppings with me and though it only takes a few hours drive, it's just not the same.
That sent me into floods of tears, and I bet people in cars next to me were looking at me weird.
I got to Dillot's house and decided to wait in the car for her to reach home. Waited for about 20 minutes and managed to calm myself down. She got home, we drove towards the mall, and barely 3 minutes later, I broke down again. Told her about my fiance's posting, and we both started crying. I guess I triggered her being upset about me leaving. But it just dawned upon me that I won't be able to just pick her up and go out with her like we always do. Then…it was all about the things that I will have to change. No more can I just step out and go for tea with my best friends. No more can I just run to Cat's Whiskers whenever I feel like it. Bye-bye One Utama. Will I even be able to get a decent job there? What the hell is there in Ipoh? People in Ipoh come to KL to look for work! How about the weekend bazaars that I love so much? What if there's an emergency? Who can I get help from when all the people I count on are in a whole different state?
All my life, I've been living here, and this is where I want to be and where I want my kids to grow up. But now everything's going to be different..and I don't know how I'm going to manage that.
After a lot of crying and pouring my fears out to my Dillot, I finally calmed down, and a few hours walk and giggles later, I felt a lot better.
It really helped that I cried my eyes out to Dillot, otherwise keeping it inside me would've caused tears for over a week. I suppose I could now accept that I will have to start a whole new life in Ipoh, which actually is my hometown that I have only been to once. Papa grew up there so it can't be that bad. Perhaps it might even open up new opportunities for me. So yes, I have accepted it.
True, I'm not happy about it but I have decided to wall up my fears and inhibitions and just go along with it. It's not like I have a choice. So I'm just going to make the best out of it. For the love of my future husband, I'll sacrifice my wants, and support him in whatever he does…to the end.